This mind trap can keep us stuck in thoughts and feelings that can keep us demoralized.
Consistently asking ‘why does? why can’t? why does?’ can become a pattern that can lead to taking a victim-like or helpless-like position, leading to ‘why me?’ making it quite difficult to make changes and/or move forward.
For example, can you feel the difference between these two questions?
Why can’t I do this right?
versus
What steps can I take to learn this?
Or these:
Why does this keep happening to me?
versus
What can I do to change this outcome?
What were your feelings after thinking about each question?
The Why can’t I do this right? question a may stem from taking a helpless-like position to the problem at hand. The Why does this keep happening to me? question may stem from taking a victim-like position.
These positions, these thoughts, can lead to feelings such as guilt, shame, anger, and resentment – quite demoralizing feelings. Behaviors and results stem from our thoughts and feelings. A cycle of (thought) ‘why’ → (feeling) shame/demoralized/anger/resentment → (behavior) procrastination/digging heels in → (result) project falls behind schedule/you go silent, and nothing changes, or similar cycle can have a weighted impact on your ability to be productive and to lead.
What are the questions to ask yourself to begin to see this mind trap for what it is?
Question 1: What is my intention of asking why? Is the question of ‘why?’ a pattern that keeps you stuck or is it a valid question to help solve a problem or understand a purpose?
Question 2: How can I reframe my ‘why’ question to ‘what’ or ‘how’? Reframing to ‘what’ or ‘how’ may lead you to be more proactive than reactive.
