What’s with this mind trap? - Trapped by ‘why does? or why can’t?’
This mind trap can keep us stuck in thoughts and feelings that can keep us demoralized.
Consistently asking ‘why does? why can’t? why does?’ can become a pattern that can lead to taking a victim-like or helpless-like position, leading to ‘why me?’ making it quite difficult to make changes and/or move forward.
For example, can you feel the difference between these two questions?
Why can’t I do this right?
versus
What steps can I take to learn this?
Or these:
Why does this keep happening to me?
versus
What can I do to change this outcome?
What were your feelings after thinking about each question?
The Why can’t I do this right? question a may stem from taking a helpless-like position to the problem at hand. The Why does this keep happening to me? question may stem from taking a victim-like position.
These positions, these thoughts, can lead to feelings such as guilt, shame, anger, and resentment – quite demoralizing feelings. Behaviors and results stem from our thoughts and feelings. A cycle of (thought) ‘why’ → (feeling) shame/demoralized/anger/resentment → (behavior) procrastination/digging heels in → (result) project falls behind schedule/you go silent, and nothing changes, or similar cycle can have a weighted impact on your ability to be productive and to lead.
What are the questions to ask yourself to begin to see this mind trap for what it is?
Question 1: What is my intention of asking why? Is the question of ‘why?’ a pattern that keeps you stuck or is it a valid question to help solve a problem or understand a purpose?
Question 2: How can I reframe my ‘why’ question to ‘what’ or ‘how’? Reframing to ‘what’ or ‘how’ may lead you to be more proactive than reactive.
