Calm During the Storm
I coach a lot of teams on the value of healthy conflict. The kind where all ideas are put on the table in search of the best of the best. Not the kind that turns into political debates or where listening stops and devaluing starts.
Even a healthy debate can make some a bit squeamish or down right uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean the the debate shouldn’t happen. It means you may need to ground yourself to remain calm and present especially if you’ve been subjected to conflicts in the past that turned into full blown fights with negative consequences.
Diane Musho Hamilton wrote a great article in the Harvard Business Review about this. I’s a quick and important read. Here are Diane’s mindfulness actions in short with a bit of my spin:
Practice Mindfulness in Conflict
Stay present: before running on auto pilot, stay curious and listen. Feel yourself in your seat and your feet on the floor to stay grounded.
Let go of the story: let go of the judging mind so you’re own thoughts don’t cloud what the other(s) is actually saying.
Focus on the body: focusing on what your body is doing helps and you may be able to decrease the discomfort by simply acknowledging the feelings are there an realizing they aren’t overwhelming or overriding you.
Breathe: you’ve heard that before - it really does help. If you begin to feel any of the above is not working as well as you’d like, breath in a rhythmic manner - in 1-2-3-4, out 1-2-3-4. Focus on your chest rising and lowering. This soothing practice can be done while remaining present and listening.
When you’re ready, say what’s on your mind to add to the dialogue, in search of the best of the best. It may be that you’re hearing two people say similar things. Point that out so they hear each other better. Observe, make connections, build on other’s ideas and add your own. Think creation, not destruction.
