Mind Traps - Part Three

Trapped in agreement.[i]

We tend to see agreement as a virtue and disagreement causing pain. We all want to belong – the stronger the pull to belong – be part of a tribe – the stronger the pull to agree. Once in a tribe, our fear of polarization can keep us quiet. Our urge to keep the peace and fear of upheaval though may lead to stagnation.

Have you ever had a disagreement – a fight – with a loved one? Listening and weathering the storm can create a deeper, richer understanding of each other. Plus knowing that you can, indeed, weather the storm and not only survive but become enriched and stronger for it, are integral to learning and growing – together. Disagreeing expands ideas and horizons leading to enlightenment. Disagreeing is essential for teams – how else would all the ideas be placed on the table enriching the solution or innovation? Important point – disagreements focus on issues; they are not personal or character attacks.

How can we counter the agreement mind trap? More curious questions.

Question 1: How could this conflict serve to deepen a relationship? Knowing you can weather a storm together enhances trust and may even deepen being/feeling understood, heard, valued – for both you and the other(s) involved.

Question 2: What if I carefully listen to the other person, will my ideas be expanded? Learning and growing is accomplished by adding new information to your repertoire. If one always agrees with you, the information you already have, how then will you learn and grow?

For leaders, a trap is thinking you have or need to have all the answers independently. Great leaders know to incorporate others into the vision – complete with differing ideas and views – to create new possibilities for the organization. This is where innovation is born.

[i] Meet the Mindtraps, Berger, Jennifer Garvey