Mind Traps - Part Nine
Trapped by projection.
This mind trap is when our own internalized thoughts and/or feeling about ourselves is catapulted onto another or others and then we behave towards them as if they have that thought or feeling about us.
An example would be something like….
Your thought – “My team thinks I’m ineffective.” You feel - shame and anger.
The behaviors that follow may be doubling down on your team to prove that you are effective.
However, your thought and subsequent behaviors may be associated with your own thought of ineffectiveness and your own feelings of shame and anger versus what your team actually thinks or feels about you.
The doubling down may still not achieve the desired outcome, which reinforces the projection. This dance can consume precious energy, mind, and emotional space, and hurt relationships.
If this is a dance for you, this is where getting the balcony and observing the view can be helpful. The balcony view is helpful with them all.
What are the questions to ask yourself for this mind trap?
Question 1: What am I feeling versus what she/he/they are actually doing? This is where the balcony is quite helpful – when you’re in the dance, it’s hard to look at it objectively. You may better be able to see ‘What’s really happening?’ if you climb onto the balcony to take a look. The EQ element of reality testing is important here: Reality Testing is the ability and tendency to use what is actually, objectively happening to ground you and inform communication, emotional reactions, and decisions.
Question 2: How can I check out what I’m seeing from question #1? Is there a person(s) you feel comfortable enough to talk this over with? A reality check – what are they noticing about you and she/he/them?
This mind trap can be a major source of tension in relationships. No one likes to have attributed to them negativity that doesn’t belong to them. It can feel very much like a winless situation.
As with the mind trap of perfection, moving away from this trap benefits your relationships.
