Hijacked to Freedom
I’m starting the New Year off with a bang. How to move from being hijacked to freedom. If this is a struggle for you, my hope is that in 2022, you experience wonderful freedom.
I write a lot about emotional intelligence. I believe in it, value it. Often leaders try and try to control or dismiss their emotions and thoughts when that may be what is fueling undesirable behaviors impacting their results. Emotional intelligence or emotional agility is designed to counter the automatic ‘control’ or ‘dismissal.’ Leaders are people, just like everyone else. People – aka humans – have emotions and thoughts. Dismissing them is like trying to throw a forward pass with a broken arm. So how do you move from getting hijacked by your thoughts and emotions to the freedom of using them in a positive, effective manner.
1. Recognize patterns - notice when your thoughts and feeling are leading you down a path of less than desirable behavior. Getting on the balcony and observing yourself often helps. When you’re in the dance, it’s hard to notice. That’s why giving yourself time to notice is invaluable. It can be easier to have someone collaborate with you on identifying patterns - help you out of the murk.
2. After recognition occurs – label them as thoughts and feelings. Instead of sinking into them, use that fabulous brain of yours to look at them objectively. Here’s where the important EQ element, reality testing, is paramount. Reality testing is the ability and tendency to use what is actually, objectively happening to ground you and inform communication, emotional reactions, and decisions. Are these thoughts and feeling grounded in what is happening now or are they habits, recordings? What is happening that brings them on? Are they helpful or hindering? Again, getting help to remove yourself from the murk is a strength. Number three shows us why.
3. Once recognized, acceptance can occur. Accepting them versus using your cognitive and physical energy to fight them frees you up for focus on what’s important. Self-compassion leads to improved self-regard, problem-solving, emotional expression, and empathy of others – all important EQ elements for success. That’s strength.
4. Focus on what’s important – meaning instead of staying in the murk, lead with your value. What value needs to be driving the behavior. Values such as Service, Health, Growth…. What personal value of yours envelops the desired outcome, the end results. Embrace it and ground your behaviors in it.
5. AND learn – what was the trigger for the murk to cloud you? The murk may never completely go away BUT you can pay close attention to when it starts to rise. What is it telling you? Is what is before your scaring you? If the murk is rising, that’s a clue telling you to pay attention and begin with step 1. Put one foot in front of the other and walk the path again. Make that your new habit, new recording. Does it happen overnight? No. It takes practice. Learning something new always does.
You got this.
